This feeling sucks.

My first semester in college ended. I thought it was going to be a breeze, I mean, I got my IB diploma with above average marks, I got nearly straight As every semester, I had a really good work ethic besides a bit of procrastination. I thought I had it in the bag to make straight As in college like my sister had. But it didn't really end up that way. I knew that I was going to get a C in precalc. I'm absolutely horrid at anything that involves numbers and the letter x. So, I figured it's okay, I'll just get As in my other two classes and get a C in math. It's only a prerequisite.

Well, I was aiming for an AAC combo. Ended up a few points shy of an A in anthropology. So I was pretty content with an ABC (kinda funny no?). I just checked my score in Human Sex, and I did not so good on this last exam. Ended up with a fucking B+.

My heart stopped. What is the minimum GPA to keep Bright Futures? Shit. Did I fuck this up? I had a talk with my dad a few days ago, him asking me if I was okay with Bright Futures. "You know Cristina, you can't lose it, I don't think we'd be able to afford it if you do." Fuck. Shit. Oh my god, I'm actually really scared.

Two Bs and a C: 2.67

To keep Bright Futures: 3.0

Holy fuck. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? But then I remembered the minus and plus grades. Oh god, okay, so...

Two B+ and a C-: 3.0

OH MY HOLY JESUS. Thank the lord, if there is one. I seriously had the scare of my life.

But even then, I'm incredibly ashamed in myself. Where did my high school work ethic go? Why I'm a settling for mediocrity? I'm not telling my parents this. I'll just stick with my ABCs and be done with it. This semester NEVER happened. I'll start over knew and forget this whole fiasco. I'm going to fucking grab the spring semester by the balls and give it a good hearty squeeze; I swear to God I will not fuck up this time. School will be my number one priority from now on: not concerts, not movie time, not anything. I want to prove to myself that I can do this, and I want to make myself proud. And my family, of course.