Where can I get some patience?

Time to vent.

Honestly, I have never felt so anxious in my life. I can't seem to sit down by myself and be content with it. I feel completely unsatisfied. This week has been pretty terrible for me. My car got towed, crap happening with school (not classes, but other miscellaneous things), money problems, relationship problems. I feel like things are getting worse and worse, rather than better. What happened to a new start? My mind won't allow it.

Today a speaker came into my abnormal psychology class to talk about suicide. He said the number one reason that people commit suicide, that he has observed in over 30 years of counseling, is the loss of relationships. I'm not saying by any means will I ever commit, or attempt to commit, suicide, but I feel the same kind of sentiments that one may feel after any other break up. I lost 8 of my closest friends (what the hell, seems weird to count the exact number, but it's true). After spending so much time with them, and now not being able to see them anymore, it fucking sucks. I know I have said, 'whatever I don't need them anyway!' but I honestly do. Those were the friends I could look to in order to vent or to relieve anger or just relax. Who do I have now? Any person that I can talk to about my problems are so far away. There's no one here in Gainesville besides my sister, and I know I've said this before. I'm attempting to make friends, but I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I'm not connecting. Again, I feel too anxious. I can't just relax and let things take their course.

And I feel like I can't act the same way around others. Like I need to try hard to impress. But that's NOT who I am at all. There's too much pressure in pleasing other people that I lose sight of what exactly I want and what I need. People have told me I'm very independent, but I know deep down that that's not true at all. I'm very much so dependent. Even typing this all out, I feel so sad because I feel completely pathetic and powerless. Who the fuck can I call up and say 'let's go somewhere' or 'let's hang out?'. Fucking no one. Everyone I want to see are hours away. There's no one for me here right now.

We were also talking about unipolar and bipolar disorders in class recently. I'm NOT bipolar, if that's what you think. I'm not depressed either (I think it has to be severely impacting your life for you to be clinically diagnosed as depressed), according to the DSM-IV-TR. But I'm fucking sad. I'm really fucking sad. I've been going to sleep earlier and earlier just so days can go by faster and faster. I slept for 14 hours the other day because there was nothing more I wanted to do but not think. I just wanted time to go by. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe Spring Break to go away to Spain and forget about shit here? I also haven't been eating much lately. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich. The other day I ate cereal. Today, I fucking pigged out and ate a bunch of pizza and candy. But not I feel siiiiick as hell. I've been exercising more, which I guess is a good thing. I bike at least 8 miles to and from school and play soccer every other day. But all of this is SO uncharacteristic of who I really am. I pig out all the time, I used to neglect working out, and usually went to sleep very late. Wtf is going on? I guess I can say it's stress related.